The solar eclipse was an amazing experience and sight. It was even more enjoyable to experience it with my family. Then the ride home along with everyone under the sun, pun intended.

To say I got a little frustrated would be an understatement. Cars everywhere, people struggling to drive properly, and did I say cars everywhere. As I looked at the traffic on the opposite side of 95, I could only wish we lived south of the path of totality. I wanted to get home, my family wanted to get home, and it was up to me to get that accomplished in the fastest time possible.

So as traffic increased, and at various points on our journey, grind to a halt — the frustration ever increased. Well, that frustration didn’t just sit with me, it gradually overflowed into my conversations with my wife, my girls, and even to the poor lady taking my order at Wendy’s.

Well, after 5 hours we finally made it home; but I couldn’t get the question out of my head, “why”? Why did I get so frustrated and angry, if I’m going to be honest? It wasn’t like I could do something about the traffic or the accidents or people to slowed down to look at something. All of it was completely out of my control. But I felt this burden or weight on my shoulders that if I had choose a different route or drove a little faster or done something different, I could have fixed this situation and got home faster.

But alas, to no avail, we sat in traffic, a slow crawl down a 70 mph corridor of SC. We topped out at one point around 20 mph and our GPS estimated time of arrival only got later in the evening, even though the miles to our destination got lower.

Frustration!

Thinking about our LONG ride home this morning continued my quest to understand “why” —

And two things jumped out at me about myself and the drive.

1)  It’s about the journey, not the destination!

I wanted to be home, in my house, sitting in my house slippers and pj’s, kids in bed, on my couch!

When you focus so much on where you are going, you miss out on the moment. Your mind goes to where you will eventually be, and you disengage in the present. Missing out on life and making memories with those with you. And when situations, life traffic jams, slow your progress. Rather than taking the extra added time to engage, you get frustrated and take it out on those around you. And when you are stuck in a car and frustration is oozing out all over the place, things get messy, both figuratively and literally.

In sport, the win (the destination), is often the focus. No matter what, the result is what we need to get. And when things happen in our life or sport, that are completely out of our control, we take it out on those around us. We miss out on the process, the opportunity afforded us to grow and develop. And rather than see the “traffic jam” as an opportunity to engage and grow; it is seen as something bad, a negative, something we have to hurry through and get out of.

Our growth and development occurs along the journey, not because of the destination. You become who you were created to be because of the steps you take along the way; not because of the end itself. Remember it’s about the journey, not the destination.

2) “Traffic Jams” are completely out of your control.

They put you, no force you into an uncomfortable situation where you are basically in a stand still on a road you are accustom to driving 75 mph. Even though you can’t control the “jam,” doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. You naturally are required to slow down and be present. You can’t go to wherever you are going fast. You get to look around a bit and acknowledge other people/drivers and gives you an opportunity to engage more intently with those in your vehicle.

Also, have you ever looked at your surroundings when you drive. When on the highway going top speed, it’s impossible. Hey look at that….and then it’s gone. Or whoa, did you see that….and it’s gone. A faint glimmer or speck in the rear view mirror and all you see are a few heads from the back rows bopping around looking frantically and asking “where” and “what.”

Take in the beauty of the country-side, the city buildings, the stories that have been told, or the one’s you make up together as you dream about what you all are seeing/experiencing together. See and observe beyond the highway, look past the few cars ahead of you or what’s sitting near the ditch.

Finally, traffic jams give you an opportunity to get off the highway and take a detour. To explore, experience new areas, engage, get lost on purpose, and enjoy something new or revisit somewhere you have been before long ago.

Final Thought…

The idea of letting someone down kills me inside. I’m a people-pleaser and want others to like me. In fact, I want everyone to like me and I have this lie in my head that tells me if I let someone down, they will no longer like me.

Also, as an athlete, I believed that my value and significance came from my performance. The better I perform, the more value/significance I have on the team and in life. After I stopped completing, I thought I had moved on from taking my value from my performance; but the reality is, I am still playing the game, it just looks a little different now.

It’s funny how you think you have moved on from something, only to find the trap set — a traffic jam as the bait — and I walked right into it. I felt like I was letting my family down, poor performance; then they will like me less, I have less value as a father and husband.

I am still a work in process and growing each day. I am grateful for my wife, my girls, and friends to walk along side and enjoy this journey called life. There are so many things that are completely out of our control, but we can’t allow them to control us. Enjoy the journey, control what you can actually control, take life in stride, and be present in the moment with others!

The NFL draft is one of the most entertaining and hyped up sporting event of the year. The hundreds of hours of preparation, filmed watched, interviews, follow-ups, Q and A’s, etc. So much goes into the multi-day event where NFL teams get to choose who will represent their teams at the next level.

In the midst of the lights, hype, excitement, and boo’s of the crowd there are always interesting facts that are dug up from analysts, reporters, haters, anyone and everyone. After the 2016 NFL draft, Trackingfootball.com reported, that an astounding 88.5% of all draftees were multi-sport athletes in high school, that’s 224 out of 253 draft picks! The article was later picked up by the LA Times.

In a sport culture that emphasizes specialization for athletes beginning as early as 10 years old, this data gives a significant push back to the coaches, parents, and media specializing their kids into one sport.

This data shows the value and importance of being a balanced athlete. Different sports focus on different muscle groups, force athletes to think and process differently, and increased capacity and athleticism. Creating, maintaining, and improving balance as an athlete can be difficult and somewhat mundane. But the value of it is essential!

Balance is a funny thing, you don’t realize how much you have of it, until you don’t. You can walk, run, train; and as soon as you lose your balance you instantly realize it. However, when you have great balance, you don’t have think I have great balance, you just have it.

For athletes, the need for balance physically, mentality, intellectually is essential, and, that same understanding is transferable to all aspects of life. If one gets out of balance, top-heavy, or uneven; you become out-of-whack and the simplest actions become hard.

Proverbs 11:1 states, “A false balance is an abomination to the Lord, but a just weight is his delight!”

This proverb is referring to balances used in the market place to determine value and price. However, merchants would “cheat” by creating uneven balances to garner a higher value for their product. A false balance, or unequal balance, is an abomination-an outrage, atrocity, disgust.

There are parallels to take from the market place to the playing field and vice versa. As athletes, we need balance. And we can’t “cheat” our kids, the athlete. You are not gaining any advantage over other athletes by specializing in one sport. The opposite is true! The NFL Draft and other data shows that when you are balanced, and compete in multiple sports growing up, you will go on to be more successful within whatever sport one decides to specialize later in life.

This truth is played out within competition and outside in the “market place.” When you are out-of-balance you become prideful, arrogant, crooked, wicked, willing to cheat, winning at all cost. However, a healthy balance is demonstrated by humility, integrity, righteousness, honor, fairness, sacrifice.

How will you cultivate a lifestyle of balance?
What is one step you can take toward balance in your life today?

Live, Compete, and Play with balance and the value of those lessons will transfer to every aspect of your life!

Have you ever gone into a training or competition fearful?  Maybe you haven’t been playing well or you are coming off an injury or the nay-sayers/negative talk about your play is beginning to take root in your mind.

Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Regardless of the negativity, thoughts, ideas or circumstances – How do you break away from it all?  How do you continue to compete, grow, develop, and improve? 

The reality is, fear is a part of the game and life.  It will always be there.  You will have skeptics, stronger/better/more talented opponents, difficult playing environments, etc.  At times seemingly impossible odds. Fear is present in situations and actions that stretch us, hold value, present risk, all pursuits of importance!

So how do you overcome the fear? 

Courage

After Moses’ death, God called Joshua to lead the Israelites into the Promise Land. There were many unknowns, uncertainties, and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Yet God called Joshua to lead on, be strong and courageous! (Joshua 1)

And you can imagine Joshua in that moment was experiencing fear in the midst of the unknowns. Leading over a million into a land that had hostile occupants.  

Seth Godin stated that “Fear is a clue that you’re getting close to doing something important.”

When we get close to doing something of value or significance, fear will always be present. Fear is not a bad thing, but how you respond to it is what matters most!

Nelson Mandela shared that “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Courage gives you the strength to block out the fear/negativity and play/compete/live your life to the best of your abilities and potential.  Having you the mindset and fortitude to move beyond the “impossible” and to achieve success.  Even if we fail, it is better to try and fail and learn from it, than never to try at all!

Galatians 6:9 Paul said, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

Be strong and take courage! Courage will give you the strength and mentality to move beyond your fear, uncertainty, and obstacles to compete and live the life you were called to live!

Next Steps…

What causes fear in your life, sport, competition, job, etc.?

How and when does fear impact your effectiveness as a player, as a person?

What is one step you can take to overcome fear and its negativity the next time you encounter it?

What are your thoughts, perceptions, or ideas of funerals?

For me, I usually feel awkward, uneasy, and a little unsure of myself. However, there is one aspect to funerals I enjoy. I know that sounds a little funny or even wrong; but hear me out.

I enjoy the time when people share. Love hearing about their life, their experiences, what shaped them, how others interacted with them. Especially, when I didn’t know the person well who passed away. Hearing the stories allow for the individual’s life to take shape.

When stories are shared, the person’s life comes alive. Stories of success, failure, mischief, relationships, crazy experiences, funny moments, sad endings. Laughter, tears, gasps fill the room as people remember the life of the person. It’s as if the story of their life is jumping off the pages of a novel you can’t put down and you have been invited in that moment into their story.

The beauty is, we all have a story; part has been written (our past), is being written (our present), and will be written (our future). And we don’t have to wait until we die to remember it, celebrate it, and intentionally write it!

We don’t have to settle for what has been written or allow others to write our story. Intentionality is the essential ingredient to writing the story we are meant to live! And it starts today.

First, we need to understand the greater story.

The story of our universe, world, humanity, didn’t start with you or me. But began with Creator God. He has written a story and all humanity and the universe play a role within it. We are a part of something much much bigger than ourselves.

Secondly, we need to understand what role we play within God’s story.

We were all created with a purpose and with meaning. There is no other Jonathan Van Horn in the world with my features, personality, abilities, etc. And the same goes for you! We all have been given a role to play and no one else can play your role as well as you. I can’t do it, your friends or family can’t do it. You play the best you!

Finally, we need to engage with and join others in their story.

Come along side, journey with, and help those around us. Not so that we write their story, but rather we champion others as they write! We are created to thrive, interact, and invest in others. We were not to created to write a story with only one character.

Intentionality is essential!

If you don’t intentionally engage with your story and the greater story; you will ebb and flow with life’s current. Don’t allow others, culture, life to dictate your story.

Own it, remember it, write it, and live it!

How Strong is Your “Cor”?

I remember the first time I jumped off the diving board. I was 8 years old and the board was about 3 feet away from the water. So timid, my heart pounding, inching ever so close to the edge. Finally, with words from the instructor, I took the jump. Splash! Swam to the edge got out and the instructor said “again”.

The second time around, I didn’t feel nearly as much fear and trepidation as the first attempt. What was perceived to be a real threat, fear, harm, insecurity began to dissipate. Courageously I jumped into the pool and survived, actually, I loved it!

Courage comes from the Latin word “cor” meaning “heart”. It is referring to your inner strength, your center, your core being.

Courage embodies who you are and whose you are. Is it fixed within your identity and how you view yourself, your belief.

Courage is the outward demonstration of what’s on the inside. Courage can be displayed whether or not others are around you. It is revealed within your character, and character is what you when no one is watching.

So, why doesn’t everyone show courage? What holds people back from performing courageous acts, demonstrating courage in our communities or neighborhoods, when no one is watching or cheering?

The answer is fear! Fear is the antithesis of courage!

Fear is everywhere. There isn’t a person in the entire world that hasn’t experienced fear in one way or another. And you can observe the “cor” of a person in the midst of fear.

Mark Twain said, “Courage is the resistance of fear, the mastery of fear; not the absence of fear.”

So what is fear?

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

After I jumped off the diving board for the first time, the fear began to go away. The fear I was experiencing changed with each jump into the pool, even though the reality of the situation remained the same! Fear, butterflies in my stomach, heaviness turned to joy, excitement, and a awesome rush!

When you hit fear head on, it is an opportunity to show courage, reveal your inner strength, show what your “cor” is made of.

Each day you have a choice to show courage or succumb to fear. Robert Frost shared, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled, and that made all the difference.”

What road will you take?

Today is an opportunity to respond and reveal your courage, your inner strength, your “cor”!

TRUST is a funny thing. It can take years to gain and then in one brief moment (an instant) it’s gone. How then can we intentionally build trust and create a culture of trust? Especially, knowing that at some point we will make a mistake, say something that hurts, choose inaction, or put our foot in our mouths.

So, as leaders and coaches, how can we intentionally build up our trust “wealth”? 

Legendary Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski said, “Every leader needs to remember that a healthy respect for authority takes time to develop. It’s like building trust. You don’t instantly have trust, it has to be earned.”

Here are 3 practices that you can start today to gain and build trust with others.

1) Give it Away –

No strings attached trust is shown to others by serving with no expectation of getting something in return. This is a simple and easy way to build trust with others when you first interact or meet. One quick way to build trust is to give it away to others.

2) No agenda –

Today it seems like there’s always an angle, some other hidden motivator or agenda. So when we engage with others, put their needs, their thoughts and feelings, their voice first. You will have to ask yourself, ‘what are you trying to gain from this relationship?’ ‘What’s my agenda?’

If your desire is to help, build, invest, serve, encourage then your personal agenda gets pushed to the side and the other person becomes the focus. We must see that the world doesn’t revolved around ourselves, but intentionally invest in those around us to encourage and build into them.

3) Put Yourself in their Shoes –

Naturally I want to talk about myself and I can guess that most everyone else is wired the same way. Unless we intentionally put others first, we will put our interests above others. The intentional person is able to push through self focus and place themselves into the ‘shoes’ of someone else. See the other side of the coin or look over the fence to see if the grass is greener. See life, emotions, experiences, circumstances, etc. through others’ eyes.

Trust is gained in Cents, but lost with Dollars. It takes time, energy, perseverance to gain and earn trust. And it can be lost in an instant! These 3 practices will not only allow you to gain trust quickly with others, but also, build up trust equity for those brief lapses in judgement. You will have built up a strong foundation to build upon and enrich and deepen your relationship.

Next Steps to think about…

How could take one practice and apply it today?

What is one step you can take to view your current situation from another’s perspective?

How can these practices help restore broken trust in a relationship?

*Originally posted on LinkedIn March 16, 2016